The other day I was talking to a friend and at one point in our conversation I asked her what she looks for in a partner.  She thought about it for a second and answered “I don’t really know actually.”  That answer surprised me a bit.  Given some time to think she eventually did give some insightful answers, but that got me thinking .  What are people really look for in a partner?  Do we actually know what we want in a partner or are we all just sort of winging it when it comes to dating?  Given the curious mind that I have I needed answers.  So after some long and hard research, data gathering and analysis, here are what I found to be the 7 qualities most people look for in a partner.

The 7 Qualities Most People Look For In A Partner

Post Length: 1455 words
Read time: 10-15 mins


When I say long and hard data analysis and research what I really mean is surveying my friends, family and really anyone who was willing to answer my question.  In the end the research polled just over 20 people in the age range of 20 years old and above.  It included both men and women, but the majority of people who responded were female.  Something to keep in mind when reading the results.

It’s not a perfect sample by any means or a large one at that, but I think the data collected did provide some insights into what people are looking for in a partner.  If anything it at least provided some food for thought.  The question I asked was simple:

“What are the most important things you look for in a partner?



Some Observations

You might think that the first thing on everyone’s list was that their partner has to be drop dead gorgeous and super attractive.  However, looks and physical attributes were not that common an answer.  When people did mention looks, they were very specific attributes such as broad shoulders, great smile and height.

I think that the low results in the looks category weren’t because looks don’t matter but rather because physical attraction is already implied.  Usually the first thing that draws people to one another is attraction.   Attraction has lot’s of components but the most basic form of attraction is looks.  I think that people didn’t mention looks much because they probably wouldn’t even consider someone a partner if they didn’t find them attractive to begin with.

Another thing that I found interesting was that people on the lower end of the age range had a more broad idea of what wanted in a partner while older people tended to have a more specific idea of what they wanted.

The older we get the more people we've come across. We have a better idea of what we like and don't like. It just comes down to experience in the end.Click To Tweet.

The younger we are, maybe we’re still getting a feel for what we want.  Is it better to know than not know what we’re looking for?  Maybe, but I think having an idea of what we want is good but it’s also important to know that no one will ever meet all the criteria on anyone list.

Unique Qualities

There were some qualities that weren’t common but I think worth mentioning.

One thing someone mentioned was that their partner had to have good flaws.  Good flaws?  Isn’t that contradictory?  By good flaws they meant flaws that you don’t want to change and can accept and not ones you’re constantly trying to correct.  No ones perfect so loving someone for who they are, flaws and all is big.

Another person mentioned their partner should have a good relationship with their mother or some other female figure in their life.  I’ve heard this before the saying goes something like:

If you want to know how a man will treat you, look at how they treat their mother

The saying is more geared towards men but I think it’s applicable to both men and women.  How someone treats their parents or family could say something about how they will treat you.

The last unique thing someone mentioned was that their partner must love them a lot.  By a lot what they were really trying to say was that their partner should love them more.  Why?  Because if they love them more they will never cheat on them and likely do anything you ask of them.  Genius!! Or trust issues?  Who knows, but maybe a little bit of both.  I’ll leave it to you to decide.

A few more unique qualities mentioned were genetics, makes money, weight awareness, sexual, and being a good dancer.  The diversity in what people look for and find important was huge, but there were some commonalities in the end.

The 7 Qualities Most People Look For In A Partner

After all the data gathering I found that these were the 7 qualities most people look for in a partner.  They were the qualities that were mentioned the most by all the people surveyed.

  1. Humor – Good news to all the people with a sense of humor, you’re in high demand.  Someone that can make you laugh is something that goes a long way.  Being able to put a smile on someones face really is priceless and appreciated.
  2. Loyalty – By loyalty I think most people meant someone who won’t cheat on them.  Knowing you’re with someone you can trust gives a certain peace of mind and that’s probably why it’s high on a lot of people’s lists.
  3. Supportive – Someone who encourages and supports you in what you do is someone worth having around.  A relationship is a partnership and having someone who backs you can help you accomplish so much.
  4. Family Values –  Family is big with a lot of people.  Good family values could translate to how someone treats others.  For people looking to build a family or have a strong family life, this is definitely something people look for.
  5. Honest – I think this ties into loyalty a bit.  Dishonesty can be the death of relationships.  An honest person is someone you can trust.
  6. Ambition – No one wants a couch potato.  Ambitious but not too ambitious though, there’s a balance to everything.  Ambitious enough to have goals and dreams that they act on, but not super ambitious that they don’t care about anything else.  Knowing what’s really important in life matters too.
  7. Confident in Self – A person who is confident is attractive, but like a lot of the qualities there is a limit.  Most people said that confidence is great, but not too much.  Someone who is comfortable with who they are and doesn’t feel the need to prove anything.

Those were the top qualities people mentioned but the results came back with well over 50 qualities that people found important.  Some others qualities mentioned were kind, patient, affectionate, best friend, genuine, good communicator, caring, humble, intelligent and empathetic just to name a few.



With over 50 qualities mentioned this just goes to show that although there are common qualities that most people find important, everyone is looking for someone different.  Someone to suit their particular needs and wants.

Will having the qualities listed above make you more attractive to a partner?  Maybe.  In the end though, like with anything to do in love, there really are no clear-cut answers.  I think we all know people who say they want to date a particular type of person but always end of dating someone completely opposite.  Love is blind after all.

If you find someone with a lot of the qualities you’re looking for does that mean that you’ll be successful in a relationship together? Perhaps, but getting into the details about why relationships are successful is a whole other discussion.  One best left for a different post.

After all that research do people really know what they’re looking for in a partner?  The only thing I can say for sure is that there are certain qualities in a partner that a lot of people find more important than others.  Humor, loyalty and support being among the top.  What do you think?

Special thanks to all the people who answered questions and participated in the research.  Couldn’t have made this post without you!



So what are the most important things you look for in a partner?  Did the answers on this post surprise you at all?  I want to know what you think so let me know in the comments below!



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  1. “Good flaws” that is genius. I never thought about it that way, but it holds some truth!

    I think the 7 qualities are important to many people. But if we all looked for the same qualities (therefore possessed them as well), wouldn’t we just get together with whomever? The ingredients might be the same, but the proportions are always different, and so someone can have the traits you want, and you could still not want to be with them. Just like you said. No guarantee.

    • Paolo Reply

      For sure, no guarantee and yes different weights to each. Good flaws is interesting right? Thanks for reading as always 🙂

  2. Few aspects of the personality we come to know only when we spend more time with the person.
    Enjoyed reading your post
    (Journey of life continues )

    • Paolo Reply

      For sure, some aspects take more time to surface. For better or worse sometimes. Thanks ms. Arora!

  3. Hey Paolo, I’m one of those older people with a very specific idea of what I was looking for (I hit the jackpot 14 months ago and now am in a very happy relationship). It’s funny that people wouldn’t dream of buying a car without doing some research, but will get into a relationship with much less idea if what is important to them. We tend to find out through bad experiences. Anyway so I actually did some deep thinking about it, even a worksheet, lol. Superficial things like looks end up being less significant, tho you’re right that without attraction there would be no relationship! Enjoyed reading your post 🙂

    • Paolo Reply

      It is the bad experiences that we do learn the most from. Too bad it has to be that way but live and learn right? Yes for sure definitely need to put some thought into it. It’s a little more important than buying a car 😛 Congrats on hitting the Jackpot! Happy for you! Thanks for reading and the input, appreciate it Cynthia!

  4. I love how humor is the top quality, but now I wonder if I can build my sense of humor or is it something that can’t be changed 😁

    • Paolo Reply

      I think humor is all relative, what’s funny to some might not be funny to others. Everyone has their own humor in them. I don’t think it’s the humor itself that is important but rather being able to laugh at things and not take everything so serious attitude that counts. The attitude of humor/fun, if that makes any sense. Just my thoughts though 🙂

      • Weird, I didn’t get a notification from your reply, just the ‘liked’. Anyway, it was a really good read 😁

        • Paolo Reply

          My comments have been weird ever since I switched web hosts… Still working on it😌

  5. I don’t think these answered really surprised me. I think in some ways, life gets colder as you get older. Meaning, there’s more emotions, needs and responsibility. So while as a teenager, looks are an easy thing to prioritise, they just seem so less important as you get older.
    I quite like a partner who is confident and charming. Someone who is intelligent and can help widen my opinions on life, but at the same time, make me laugh.
    This is a genius post and I found it interesting to read 🙂

    • Paolo Reply

      Life does get a little colder good point. Oh the responsibilities, sigh. Responsibilities just keep piling up so having someone who helps or at least lighten the load through laughter is never a bad thing. Thanks for the read and feedback. Always appreciated Laura!

  6. This is really interesting! I like how you did a survey to get the answers. I definitely agree with the ambition one – I like people who have a drive to do something 🙂

    • Paolo Reply

      Wanted to see the commonalities and the outliers too so survey was the way to go I think. 😁 Got to have some kind of passion right? Thanks for giving it a read Alys!

    • Paolo Reply

      Thank you Jen! Appreciate the read and feedback! 🤗

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