I think we’ve all been there at one point or the other.  You know what I’m talking about.  The point where you’ve been trying to get him or her to date you but they just aren’t reciprocating.  99.9% of the time the hard truth is they’re simply just not into you.  The problem is our emotions cloud our judgment probably 100% of the time.  We hold onto any sign that there’s a chance when in reality, there was never a chance to begin with.  That won’t stop us from hoping though.  How can you tell if they’re just not into you?  Here are some of my thoughts.

How Can You Tell They're Just Not Into You - psbarbosa.com

These aren’t the only ways you can tell but rather some signs that you might want to keep in mind the next time you’re crushing over someone and not sure what they think of you.

They Don’t Want To Hang Out With You AND your Friends

Hanging out with you is fine, as long as the two of you are alone.  When the opportunity comes to hang with you and your friends, they’re nowhere to be found.  Funny how that works out.

If they really were into you they’d want to meet and get to know your friends because that’s a good way to get to know you better as well.  It’s also a good way to get closer.  If the friends like them then all the better for them.  No time spent with your friends?  A sign that they probably aren’t in it for the long haul.


You’ve Been Hanging Out For Over 6 Months And They Still Aren’t Sure They Want To Date You.

Sure you’ve been hanging out with each other for a while, but whenever you try to talk about where things are going they brush it off.  Let’s not ruin things by rushing into anything.  I just really like spending time with you.

This really is code for I’m lonely so I’ll hang out with you until something else comes a long.  Things don’t need to happen fast, but if it’s months on end and still no changes, get the hell out.  It’s hard I know.  Especially if you really like someone, which is usually the case.

Move on.  The sooner the better.  You’re worth more than being a fill in.


They Don’t Text You Back In A Reasonable Time Frame.

In today’s day and age, this is the worst.  It’s a big pet peeve of mine.  You send a text and get a response four days later.  Usually with a text saying “oh sorry I just got this now” or “been so busy sorry for the late reply.”  You know where you can stick that late reply? Let me tell you…. 😛

We get busy for sure, but let’s face it our phones are by us 24/7.  A lot of people leave them on all the time.

If you’re getting texts days or weeks later its a sign that they probably don’t really care much to respond to you.

Maybe they legit had a good reason, but if it’s the norm and not the exception, tell them to take a hike.


A Lot Of Your Plans Are Last Minute.

Hmmm, let’s see if anyone else wants to do something first THEN maybe if I have nothing lined up I’ll consider hanging out with you.

If they never want to commit to anything it’s because you’re not high on their “to hang with” priority list.  This is a hard one to realize sometimes because you’re so happy that they got in touch with you that you don’t notice.

You deserve to be someone who they will make plans for in advance.  Don’t settle for less.


They Are Dating Someone Else.

The rock solid proof that they’re just not into you, yet somehow people still don’t get it.  Oh they aren’t really into that person.  They are about to break up.  Things are on the rocks.

No.  It’s simple.

If the person you're into is dating someone else, the simple truth is they're just not into you. Click To Tweet

Even if the person you’re into is dating someone else, you still hold on to hope that things will change.  I’ve done it regrettably, and so have a lot of other people.

Everyone get’s one pass though so don’t be too hard on yourself.  Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.


They Say They Aren’t Ready To Date Yet.

This is the worst.  If you say this to someone who is into you what that person really hear’s is “when you’re ready to date then it’ll be me.” In reality it’s “I’m not ready to date yet, and you’re not the person I would date if I was.”  People should really say that.  Harsh?  Maybe, but it is the truth.

How many of you have held on to hope when someone says they’re just not ready to date only to find out that they’re dating someone else soon after?  I see a lot of virtual hands up, mine included. Yup it sucks.


How Can You Know For Sure?

If they do some or all of the points listed above, then there’s a good chance that they’re not into you.  That’s OK though.  It’s better to know sooner than later so that you can spend your time with someone who’s worth it instead.

I wish I could say you can see the signs if you know them but even them I think we often choose to ignore them.  If I knew what  I know now and had the good sense to pay attention to the signs it would have saved me a lot of heartache and time.   Sigh…live and learn though, live and learn.

Still don’t know and are tired of guessing?  I think the best thing to do is just ask.  Too forward?  Perhaps.  Will it hurt to hear the truth?  Likely, but hey at least you know.  If you continue to pursue them after you know the truth, at least you’re going in eyes wide open instead of lost in the dark.




Have you ever been into someone only to find out the hard way that they’re just not into you?  How did you feel and if you could do it differently what would you have done?  Let me know in the comments below!



Don’t forget to say hello on Twitter @HeyPSbarbosa or if you’re more visually oriented come follow me on Instagram @psbdaily I’ll be sure to do the same.


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  1. Where was this post when I was in high school haha?
    I absolutely agree man, sometimes it is hard to tell when someone just isn’t that into you. I think these tips are great and I especially like the one you said about hanging out with friends – I had a causal thing with this guy eons ago and he would never want to hang out with me around my or even his friends. #redflag

    • Pretty much wrote this to my younger self haha I may have just been dumb or blindly infatuated..sigh yup redflags for sure 😓 Live and learn though right. As always thanks for reading and the input Corinne!

    • I wrote this post with friend experinces and my past self in mind haha. Hopefully it can help someone 😁 Thanks for reading and the feedback Joy!

  2. Though I’m certain my husband is in to me, I can definitely see past behavior from others on your list. But, one fellow I dated just after my divorce was the guy who was simply straight up honest. He did such an excellent job of being both kind, respcetfull, complimentary and clear I always knew where we both stood with each other. It wasn’t a long term thing– and there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that fact up front.

    • Honesty is the best for sure. I wonder if it becomes easier with experience, or do we just get better at communicating our feelings and thoughts. Nothing wrong with Upfront and honest for sure. Thanks for reading and the input Angela!

  3. Nej Nolasco Reply

    I am amazed at the things you have stated here. You have a very impressive blog. How I wish I could do something I like. I am new in this blogging thing. How did you do it? thank you.

    • Thank you Nej! I’ve been doing it for a few years now so It’s all been a big learning experience. I’d say write blogs posts on things that interest you, that way it’ll be easier to come up with what to write. Twitter has helped me meet a lot of bloggers as well, the more blogs you read the better I think it’ll help give you an idea what you want. Hope this helps if not feel free to ask me more anytime😁

  4. These all make sense but of course it’s easier said than done, good thing for me I didn’t really date and everyone I was interested in basically told me “NO” so that was…cool, I guess. Right out of high school I met my husband, I think he’s into me though sometimes he won’t text me back right away… suspicious! LOL

    • Haha I love your humour 😂 Your one of the lucky ones that found your partner early on, good for you! Thanks for reading and the input, always appreciated!

  5. How I wish I had this guide when I was younger. Such true information and it’s so vital to learn these things. The amount of times that I have made excuses for guys behaviour and tried to find reasons to justify some of what you mentioned. Great post! 🙂

    • If only we knew then what we knew now right?! Guess that’s how most of life works though haha. At least we can try to give other people a heads up. I wonder if I would have listened to my future self though if I could go back in time. Probably not 😛 Thanks for reading and the comments Laura!

  6. I wish I’d read this when I was a teenager. It would have saved me a lot of heartache.

  7. Those are some nice signs, well explained… I agree with most of them 🙂
    Though for the friends point, I would say the opposite is also true, if they don’t want to hang out with you alone and enjoy being with you in a group, then too they wish to be just friends and nothing more 🙂
    You write really cool blogs! And that click to tweet is just awesome! So I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. Please accept 🙂

    • Yes good point it could go both ways for the hanging with friends for sure! The click to tweet is a pretty cool feature 🙂 Thanks for the kind words, appreciated! Thanks so much for the nomination as well! Unfortunately I’ve participated in the Versatile Blogger award
      already so I have to decline this time. One time for a blog award is my rule. Really appreciate the nomination though thanks Snigdha!

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